04: eating words <3

a declaration of love + poems on love, life, kindness, and flowers of course

Maitri —

These are all the words that I have never spoken to you before. Words that I wish I had said aloud more often. But I never did because I have always been terrified of the intimacy that drips out of our mouths like honey when someone says, I love you. Or, I’m proud of you. Look at how beautifully you’ve grown, my little flower.

But now I know that the only reason I have been terrified all this time is because the world taught me to. It taught me to be afraid of the gentlest parts of me — the ones that were always ‘too sensitive’ or ‘too emotional’. And now, I am on a journey to reclaim all of these old, hidden, beautiful parts of me. I’ll take care of them like a little kitten I found on the streets.

This is my love letter to you, Maitri. You deserve it. You deserve the most vulnerable, honest, softest declaration of love. And today, I’ll write it shaking if I have to. So here it goes.

You are enough. You are loved. 
You are seen, heard, validated, accepted, understood and so, so loved.
It’s okay to mess up sometimes. It’s proof that you’re human, because humans are inherently messy. These are just the terms and conditions we forget to read at the bottom of the contract.
It’s okay to be messy and make mistakes because you’re still enough. You're still enough, still needed, and still heart-wrenchingly loved.
This is your permission slip to embrace your flaws without being afraid of them. We all have flaws, we all have both light and darkness within us. And yet, here we all. Hoping to be longed for and loved just like any other.
Just like the phases of the moon, we fluctuate. We flow, we change, we go and grow through our phases. 
At your core, you are still love. You have always, always been an embodiment of love, and you'll always be. And even on the days when your light is not seen, it won't mean that it's gone.
And even if the world cannot see your light on your bad days, I do.
I see your light, and I love you.
I am so in awe of you.
Just look at you. Look at beautifully you've grown. Look at how far you've come. Look at how you still keep going. 
How you hold onto your soft little heart, grabbing any inch of kindness, love, and gratitude that you can find for yourself, and how the painfully awful state of the world does not stop you from sharing any of it.
You're a sunflower, my love. Always reaching out for the light. Always sharing whatever yellow you have left.
And God, you are beautiful.
You are so achingly beautiful, even on the days you don't feel like taking a shower or talking to anyone. Even on the days you forget to eat clean and it's hard to do or feel anything at all, you are so, so beautiful.
And I am in love with you.
I see you, I hear you, and I am proud of you, my little flower.
Remember all of this when the world forgets your light - when YOU forget to see your own light. I love you, I'm so glad you exist.

Love, Maitri

unknown artist but look how cosy and cute <3

Poetry, anyone?

i. Of all flowers: you

— Kim Addonizio

ii. For My Daughter

When they laid you on my belly
and cut the cord
and wrapped you and gave you
to my arms, I looked into the face
I already loved. The cheekbones,
the nose, the deep place
the eyes opened to. I thought
then this is the one I must teach,
must shape and nurture.
I was sure I should. How was I
to know you would become
the one to show me
how kindness walks in the world?
Some days the daughter
is the mother,
is the hand that reaches
out over the pond, sprinkling
nourishment on the water.
Some days I am the lucky koi,
rising from below, opening
the circle of my mouth to take it in.

— Marjorie Saiser

iii. What the Heart Says

The mind may leap five steps ahead,
devices pinging with new messages,
alerts, alarms. But the heart says,
There is no emergency. That muscle
wanting to unclench, aching to flex
as free as the monarch nectaring
on a Mexican sunflower at the cusp
of autumn. Don't we all long for
space to pause and draw sweetness
from each bright thing in our path?
Don't we crave the slowness of that
butterfly perched on orange petals,
coming alive in a way it never can
while in mid-air, wings folding and
unfolding their own form of prayer?

— James Crews

iv. A Flame

God, give us a long winter
and quiet music, and patient mouths,
and a little pride - before
our age ends.
Give us astonishment
and a flame, high, bright.

— Adam Zagajewski

v. It no longer matters what the names of flowers are.
Some I remember; others forget: ones
I never thought I should. Yes, tell me one.
I like to hear that. I may have forgotten again
next week. There's that yellow one whose name
I used to know. It's blossoming, secure
as ever as I walk by looking at it,
not saying its name or needing to.

— William Bronk

vi. Coda

Perhaps to love is to learn
to walk through this world.
To learn to be silent
like the oak and the linden of the fable.
To learn to see.
Your glance scattered seeds.
It planted a tree.
     I talk
because you shake its leaves.

— Octavio Paz

A playlist of love songs

i. Lovesong by Neev
ii. The Day I'll Think Of by Twiceyoung
iii. Caring Song by Alba Escalon, Isaac Fernandez
iv. Thinking 'Bout Love by Wild Rivers
v. Tere Bina by A. R. Rahman because I can't get this song out of my head (you'll find me singing the same starting lines every morning)

Random things because what is life without the little things?

These days, I start my mornings by (singing A. R. Rahman and) standing in the October sun for at least a hundred heartbeats. The wind is a little chilly already, and it always manages to hit the right spot. I drew a bunch of daisies and red/ pink flowers with soft pastels after ages yesterday, and they made me so happy. I’ve been listening to the sounds flowers make (ever heard of PlantWave? I’m so proud of humanity for advancing technology enough to be able to hear plants sing, I need nothing else from the world now), and watching cat couples make out (being a cat and in love must be so beautiful, their make-out sessions are 10x more fun - think of all the love bites, sigh). I’m slowly telling my friends how much I love them, how grateful I am for them. I kissed my mumma on the cheek after months (I’m not the one for PDA), hugged papa awkwardly (but it was still something), and constantly try to remind my brother how powerful he can be. And finally, lately, I have been feeling more and more connected with my heart, with my light, and soft strength. And so, I share more of it with the world, everyday. It has been beautiful. I feel alive, and held. And love. And seen. And protected.

I hope this letter made you feel something similar.

Take care now, my lovelies. I’ll see you next who knows when.

Love, Maitri